Look how far you you have come kiddo.

The following paragraph interestingly enough was written by me on January 2018 . I had completely forgotten about it until today. It was one of the darkest times of my life so bare with me on the negativity and the dark energy that comes through my words. After all that darkness somehow still lives with me but for my best of luck I have been able to even find joy on that darkness. Or maybe now lives with me and back then within me. Long story short let me leave you with me 2018 masterpiece.

***

I feel like I am lost in the way! I changed my direction out of nowhere. My heart aches for my own life. Scared for the future I have no idea what I have left behind. I need someone to hug and hold me tight to tell me everything is going to be alright. I need to hug my mother and lay my head in her lap for a while…

This scary little thing that came into my life has really opened my eyes. Cos only in the scariest moments you really know what you want in your life. It makes you regret everything you haven’t done through all these years. You start regretting even the un-regrettable, cos you want to get as much as you can from this life

And all of this is ironic when it comes to me, cos I have always been someone who believes in the other world, that world that we will live forever and is promised to us if you cherish God in this one. Oh don’t miss-understand me I still believe in it but I feel pity for my own self for enjoying nothing in this testing world that is so tempting.

***

To summarize my thoughts back then: I had a feeling the world was over for me. A cancer diagnosis was like a death sentence back then for me. Probably it still is but I want to emphasise that I have come so far. It hasn’t been easy but hey here I am three years later on a much better mindset and with a lot of changes that make me happier and make this life easier. I have lost a lot from myself and found a lot more. I know it’s a cliche but you don’t know strong you are until being strong is your only option.

Sincerely

Aida

Letter to you!

I need you tonight! Not for your body, no offense please I love your body but tonight I need you in a different way. I need you to listen to my silent speech. I need you to hold me tight and tell me everything will be alright. I would love to here that you will be there for me when ever I fall. I need you to pick me up again. I need you to wipe my tears away and make me laugh. I need a rose to lighten up my room…. And after all I just need your attention.

Is it to much?!

Note to self!

Clutch

I blame you!

All mornings are bad, but some feel just like hell, kind of the worst thing you can get. And when I wake up I think it’s just a lack of sleep or the coldness you feel when you get out of your blancet. But no, now that I am all clear minded it was all my unconscience thinking of you all night long and hiding from me dreams I languish for. And this is it, when a day starts like this, what is it to expect!

The Mystery Bones

Here I am, abundantly flawed with pocks and scars, yet renewed once again.

Barnstorming

I prefer winter and fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape — the loneliness of it, the dead feeling of winter. Something waits beneath it, the whole story doesn’t show.
~Andrew Wyeth, artist

How endlessly beautiful is woodland in winter!  Today there is a thin mist; just enough to make a background of tender blue mystery three hundred yards away, and to show any defect in the grouping of the near trees.
~ Gertrude Jekyll, British horticulturalist

There is a stumbling reluctance transitioning from a month of advent expectancy to three months of winter dormancy.  Inevitably there is let-down: the watching and waiting is not over after all.  There is profound loneliness in knowing the story continues, hidden from view.

We have been stripped naked as the bare trees right now; our bones, like the trees of the landscape, raising up broken branches and healed fractures of…

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My heart is gone
spirit never born
my spine not there
my breath never here.
I’m left alone
me and ego on our own
it eats me bit by bit
the air where people talk
is simply, purely bullshit.

© Agron Bajraktari

“If pain does not die
we shall make it poetry.”
—Juan Antonio Villacañas

All I have- Michelle K.

It took me years
and a heart break
to realize
I am all I have

I wish!

There are people on this earth who are able to do anything for the one they love.
It’s like they don’t care who and how much they hurt!
I wish somebody like that fall in love with me!