Look how far you you have come kiddo.

The following paragraph interestingly enough was written by me on January 2018 . I had completely forgotten about it until today. It was one of the darkest times of my life so bare with me on the negativity and the dark energy that comes through my words. After all that darkness somehow still lives with me but for my best of luck I have been able to even find joy on that darkness. Or maybe now lives with me and back then within me. Long story short let me leave you with me 2018 masterpiece.

***

I feel like I am lost in the way! I changed my direction out of nowhere. My heart aches for my own life. Scared for the future I have no idea what I have left behind. I need someone to hug and hold me tight to tell me everything is going to be alright. I need to hug my mother and lay my head in her lap for a while…

This scary little thing that came into my life has really opened my eyes. Cos only in the scariest moments you really know what you want in your life. It makes you regret everything you haven’t done through all these years. You start regretting even the un-regrettable, cos you want to get as much as you can from this life

And all of this is ironic when it comes to me, cos I have always been someone who believes in the other world, that world that we will live forever and is promised to us if you cherish God in this one. Oh don’t miss-understand me I still believe in it but I feel pity for my own self for enjoying nothing in this testing world that is so tempting.

***

To summarize my thoughts back then: I had a feeling the world was over for me. A cancer diagnosis was like a death sentence back then for me. Probably it still is but I want to emphasise that I have come so far. It hasn’t been easy but hey here I am three years later on a much better mindset and with a lot of changes that make me happier and make this life easier. I have lost a lot from myself and found a lot more. I know it’s a cliche but you don’t know strong you are until being strong is your only option.

Sincerely

Aida